Consent mattered that day

Content note:
This story includes descriptions of a routine medical examination and emotional vulnerability related to consent and bodily autonomy.

I said I thought I might be due for a pap smear.

She said I could do it with my family doctor instead.

Then I hesitated. I told her I trusted her. I asked if we could do it here.

She paused. She said she had someone waiting.
Then she said, “You know what — let’s do it now.”

She knew I live with complex PTSD. We’d talked about it before. It wasn’t new information. It didn’t need to be explained.

She stepped out so I could undress. When she returned, she knocked and asked if it was okay to come in.

She helped me into position slowly, with care. She told me what she was going to do before she did it. She told me what it might feel like. She told me I could ask her to stop at any time — that we could pause, or not continue, if it became too much.

My body noticed.

My shoulders dropped. My breathing slowed. I stayed present.

She checked in more than once. “Are you okay?”

When it was over, she helped me sit up. She gave me a moment before standing. As she gently helped my legs back together, I thanked her.

“For what?” she asked.

“For your attention,” I said.
For checking in.
For telling me I had choice.
For the way you held all of me — not just my body.

She looked at me for a second, and with a soft smile, nodded.
“It’s all the same thing,” she said.

Tears of relief spilled out of me. I smiled back.

And I cried with gratitude — for her care, for her steadiness, for how different this experience felt in my body.

• If you need support

  Reading or sharing stories like this can sometimes stir up difficult feelings.
  If you need support, help is available.

  Canada (finding emotional & mental health support):
  Call 211 or visit https://211.ca/
  (Connects you with local mental health, counselling, and support services.)

  Canada (crisis or emotional distress):
  Call or text 988 (24/7)
  (You don’t have to be suicidal to reach out — support is available for moments of overwhelm or distress.)

  Outside Canada:
  Find local support at https://findahelpline.com/
  
  

  If you’re in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services.
  
  You’re not alone in what you’re feeling.

• Key takeaways for clinicians

  • Consent is an ongoing process, not a single question at the start of an exam — particularly during intimate or invasive procedures.

  • Explaining what will happen before each step, including what sensations a patient may experience, helps maintain orientation and reduces bracing, dissociation, and loss of bodily awareness.

  • Explicitly naming choice (e.g., “We can pause,” “We can stop,” “We don’t have to continue”) supports a patient’s sense of control, especially for those with a trauma history.

  • Check-ins are only effective when paired with readiness to respond. Asking “Are you okay?” requires willingness to slow down, pause, or adjust care based on the answer.

  • Small, routine actions (knocking before entering, asking permission to touch, stepping out for privacy, assisting with repositioning gently) can significantly influence how safe a patient feels in their body during care.