When policy came before the patient

Content note:
This story includes descriptions of ethical conflict in healthcare decision-making and the emotional impact of navigating policy versus patient care.

SIDS in the ER: The Night I Broke the Rules

It was around 4 a.m. when the ER doors burst open. A police officer ran in, cradling a tiny blue baby in his arms, performing CPR as he sprinted down the hall. We rushed into action. After thirty agonizing minutes, there was no response. Time of death was called.

The baby was four months old. Perfectly healthy. No signs of trauma. Most likely SIDS.

By law, the parents weren’t allowed to hold or touch their baby until the coroner arrived. That could take hours. As the nurse caring for them, I found that unbearable.

When I was five, I found my own four-month-old brother after he died from SIDS. That memory never left me.

So when I heard the coroner was delayed, I made a choice. I wrapped the baby gently and placed him in his parents’ arms. They held him. Whispered to him. Said goodbye.

They were parents again — not victims of policy.

I never faced consequences. But that night changed me. It taught me that compassion sometimes means breaking the rules — and that we must care not only for the living, but for those left behind.

• If you need support

  Reading or sharing stories like this can sometimes stir up difficult feelings.
  If you need support, help is available.

  Canada (finding emotional & mental health support):
  Call 211 or visit https://211.ca/
  (Connects you with local mental health, counselling, and support services.)

  Canada (crisis or emotional distress):
  Call or text 988 (24/7)
  (You don’t have to be suicidal to reach out — support is available for moments of overwhelm or distress.)

  Outside Canada:
  Find local support at https://findahelpline.com/
  

  If you’re in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services.
  
  You’re not alone in what you’re feeling.

• What this story helps us see

  • Care providers are often asked to carry the emotional consequences of policies they did not create, enforce, or agree with.

  • Moments that appear simple from the outside can involve real ethical tension, personal history, and very real mental health impact for the people providing care.

  • When compassion and policy come into conflict, providers are rarely choosing between “right” and “wrong” — they are choosing between competing responsibilities, risks, and forms of care.

  • How institutions respond after these moments can shape whether clinicians feel trusted and supported, or isolated and expendable.