When I said “no”
Content note:
This story includes descriptions of acute stress responses, medical distress, and emotional vulnerability following a healthcare emergency.
I had just blown air into the blue-faced mouth of my unconscious best friend.
My body hadn’t caught up yet, but it knew something was wrong. My hands were shaking. My chest felt tight. Everything around me felt slightly unreal, like I was standing just off to the side of myself.
I had called 911 when he went unconscious. The fire department were the first to respond.
When the firefighter arrived at our home, he looked at me and asked, “Are you okay?”
“No,” I said.
I could see he wasn’t sure what to do with me, so instead he showed me how to check whether my fire extinguisher was still in service.
I nodded. I listened. I tried to stay steady. We talked about expiry dates and inspections while the weight of what had just happened sat heavy and unnamed in my body.
At the hospital, after tending to my best friend, the nurse asked me the same question.
“Are you doing okay?”
“No,” I said.
“What do you need?” he asked.
My thoughts felt slow. My mouth was dry. My body buzzed with that edge-of-panic feeling that makes it hard to know what you’re supposed to say.
Probably to talk to a therapist, I said.
He nodded. Said it might be a good idea to book an appointment. Asked if I had one.
I nodded again.
And with that, he turned and walked away, returning to the nurse’s station to discuss the eligibility of the newest on-call physician.
I sat there, my breathing unsteady, watching doctors and nurses continue to buzz around me — tending to the critically injured and ill, moving quickly from one task to the next.
Nothing overtly wrong happened.
No one was cruel. No one raised their voice. No one dismissed me outright.
But something settled quietly in my body that day.
I learned how easily “Are you okay?” can become a question without a place for the answer.
I learned how quickly honesty can make you feel like you need to shrink yourself back into something manageable.
I learned how tempting it is, next time, to just say yes.
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Reading or sharing stories like this can sometimes stir up difficult feelings.
If you need support, help is available.Canada (finding emotional & mental health support):
Call 211 or visit https://211.ca/
(Connects you with local mental health, counselling, and support services.)Canada (crisis or emotional distress):
Call or text 988 (24/7)
(You don’t have to be suicidal to reach out — support is available for moments of overwhelm or distress.)Outside Canada:
Find local support at https://findahelpline.com/If you’re in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services.
You’re not alone in what you’re feeling.
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When someone answers “no” to “Are you okay?”, they may be experiencing acute stress and may not be able to identify or articulate what they need in that moment.
In states of acute stress, information-heavy explanations or future-oriented guidance (e.g., referrals, planning next steps) may be difficult to absorb.
Brief acknowledgment that names what is happening can help orient someone back to the present.
Examples include:“I can see you’re really shaken.”
“That was a lot to go through.”
“It makes sense that you’re not okay right now.”
When time or role limits what support is possible, naming that boundary explicitly while still acknowledging distress can reduce feelings of abandonment.
For example: “I can’t stay long, but I want you to know I see that you’re not okay.”